Man Plans Mattress Removal
Joe McDonnell, 78 and a resident of Palmville Twp Minnesota, has developed a plan to remove a mattress that has ended up in the wrong place. “I was walking through a beautiful conservation area recently when my guide pointed out a mattress in a ravine,” McDonnell tells reporters. “My guide, a good friend, says the mattress has been in the ravine ever since she started walking there in the 1980s. There’s a patina of green on the pad but overall it still looks like a mattress, and it is definitely out of place. My plan is to bring heavy duty wire cutters and a rucksack and to start cutting the exposed springs, carrying away as much as possible on each walk. A saw will be needed for the wooden sections and a night burn for any non compostable parts.”
Man Receives Bonus Treat
Joe McDonnell, 78 and an amateur dessert chef, recently received a bonus treat. “I was traveling cross county, east to west, when my sister-in-law announced she hadn’t had a Dairy Queen treat in 20 years,” McDonnell tells the press in a written report. “As soon as we got in the Midwest we found a DQ. I was surprised when after 20 years, Cindy ordered a small cone. I ordered pecans on my sundae but wished I had ordered peanuts when I saw my wife’s sundae with peanuts. The attendant said she had accidentally made an extra sundae with peanuts and we could have it, no charge. My wife had one fifth of the free sundae and Cindy and I divided the other four fifths between us.”
Squib Cellar
Unless you’ve hurt someone, don’t apologize for your faults. Your enemies will point your sins out more vividly than you ever could.
The Zen practitioner shall not talk the talk. Nor is there a walk to walk. Only a sit to be sat.
Ugly as they are, commercial strips outside of towns preserve the historical city center for future gentrification.
Church: Club God
The psychiatrist Jung says we can discover our true self by confronting our shadow self, which can only be seen by turning from the blinding sun towards our dark side.
Fifty shades of grey? The man at the collision center paint room says there are 200 shades of white.
After an update, my phone forces me to use a feature I hate. Then two week later I wonder how I lived without that handy feature.
Virginia Graham, 78, and a resident of Plymouth, Massachusetts, reports that her heart leapt at the thought of her friends plan to remove the mattress that, sadly, has long marred the landscape of the lakeside woods, where she walks. The plan sounds practical, doable,” Graham tells reporters. Because her friend lives nearly 2000 miles away, she added suspicions that sharing his plan might be a cloaked attempt at inspiring his friend to get off her duff and clean up her beloved woods.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and TP's comment rings true. If you will permit me, both of you need to brush up on your punctuation rules for quotation marks. Small stuff in the larger, star-studded picture of this post. Oh, at first, in the "shades of gray" (gray or grey? - both acceptable) squib (Squib capitalized?), I read "collision" as collusion. Ha! Putting my metaphorical red pen away now.
ReplyDelete