Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 14

Man Practices Glazing

Joe McDonnell, 78 and residing in Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently started glazing 30 panes of glass. "We bought these cute windows at an auction many years ago for almost nothing," McDonnell tells the press. "The wood on a couple of them was rotten so we threw them away. We used two of them in a shed two years ago and we had them reglazed in town, but the glazing job looked bad. For this new cabin I decided to do the five windows myself. The first window (6 panes) went badly, nothing like the many online videos I watched. I need a video that shows a guy making all the mistakes I make, then showing how to correct them. My one comfort is that my glazing looks better than what we got done in town."

Man Opens New Rest Stop

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a well-rested retiree, recently installed his new recliner in the media room at his home. "For 25 years there was a futon in the media room," McDonnell says in a written report to the press. "I used the futon for my obligatory afternoon nap, but my wife said it cut off her circulation when she sat on it for long periods. She knits while watching tv. When my wife's sister offered us the recliner she was replacing with an electric model, I went to her home, tried it out, and found it satisfactory. It took some adjusting to set it up in our narrow media room so that I was not hitting the lamp or the antique sewing cabinet when reclining for a nap. But with patience and good will, the recliner has made me forget the old futon, which went to an Airbnb down the line."

Squib Cellar 

We appeal to the Great Oz for a heart, a brain, and the courage to keep them in proportion. 

I was born happy. 

High school sucked, but I’m feeling good again with senior skip day just around the corner 

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. And poison works best of all.  

As the dying person approaches the top of the roller coaster, a nagging voice asks, sister.., brother… can I see your ticket?

The old cannot afford the wasteful luxury of neglecting their friends, living or dead. 

It’s frustrating when things go wrong on your device and you don’t know how to fix them. It’s almost as disconcerting when things go right and you don’t know what you did to make that happen. 

Our ancestors made cave paintings to control the animals depicted on the wall.

Then they got guns. 

We used to go to church to control God. Then we got TV.