Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 17

Man Beefs Up Menu

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently discovered a new entree for their supper rotation. "It's not exactly new," McDonnell tells the press. "It's a different and improved form of an old standby. Every morning right after breakfast I get to work on the supper menu. Residents here are on their own for lunch, but supper must be something everyone can agree on. Two nights are always pizza, a crowd favorite, but that leaves five suppers to come up with. There's usually something in the freezer that can be thawed for one night. And the fridge can be counted on to cough up leftovers for another night. Once a week it will be salad which involves a lot of prep time, plus the leftover lettuce goes bad before it's all consumed. The other day I found a salad kit in the store at a good price. You pour the chopped lettuce, etc. into bowls, pour on the included dressing, sprinkle on the nuts and seeds (also included) and voila, supper. This kit has earned a place in our supper rotation."

Man Prevents Loop Loss

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a leather worker, recently made sure he'll never lose his belt loop. "This is the belt loop on the belt itself-- the one that the end of the belt tucks into, and not a loop on the pants," McDonnell clarifies for reporters. "We were hiking in Spain not long ago when we came across a woman selling belts at attractive prices. By hand gestures the woman indicated she could shorten the belt for me which I approved. Back home I shortened the belt some more by unscrewing the little bolt by the buckle, cutting off an inch or so, then replacing the bolt like the Spanish woman had done. But now I noticed the belt loop would fall off when I hung the belt in the closet. This could be bad, and I started coiling the belt during storage so the loop had no chance of escaping. While looking at my old belt I realized I had failed to secure the loop under the flap of leather between the buckle and the bolt where it would be unable to slip off. It took two minutes to make the fix. One less thing to worry about."

Squib Cellar

Aggressive is bad

Passive is not good 

Passive-aggressive is toxic

What’s the antidote?

Saintliness?

That too can be annoying 

Shocking maths:

A third of all food is wasted. 

Half of all we eat is bad for us. 

Buddhism is having its moment. 

Jesus and the Buddha seem like buds. 

On the other hand, between Islam and us a great misunderstanding has arisen. 

And Hinduism we’ve never even begun to understand. 

They were an explosive couple- he chloride, she sodium. You never could have predicted it, but together they became the salt of the earth. 

God gives me every virtue I ask for. 

But a virtue is like a tool requiring much practice to master. 

Carrying a credit card balance is only slightly less crazy than getting a loan from the Mafia. 

In a dream you can’t plan for the next crazy thing that pops up. 

You have to be able to think on your back.