The Palmville News

 

Vol. 1, Issue 1

Man Shares Vegetable Prices With Sweden 

Joe McDonnell, 77 a retiree who resides in northwest Minnesota, says a friend in Sweden messaged him that at a hockey game in Ottawa the crowd booed during the Star Spangled Banner. McDonnell, 77, sent a smiley emoji and messaged back that being booed in Canada is like being applauded in the EU. McDonnell told the press that his friend wondered if the EU was next to be targeted with tariffs. McDonnell said he didn't know but he guessed yes and said he would keep track of Mexican imports to the US for his friend if that would help. McDonnell was in the grocery store at the time and reported that avocados in fact have dropped to $1.97 each in the past week. The friend said their avocados are from Spain and cost $1.50 or 16.60 Kroner. Sweden is in the EU but does not use the euro. A pepper in euros is €1.45. When McDonnell was at checkout he realized he should have gotten a red pepper at that price so he ran back to produce. Walking to his car with his bags he realized he should have also grabbed an avocado...Mañana.

Man Forgets Belt at Home

Joe McDonnell, 77, went to town, a 16 mile trip one way, for a meeting and upon stopping in the men's room before the meeting, he realized he had left his belt at home. He told the press he hadn't noticed this because he bulks up during the winter by switching to cream and by eating more cookies and doesn't need a belt except for looks. McDonnell has two main belts. His work belt is a military style web belt with a brass buckle and slider. His go-to-meeting belt is a Spanish leather belt he purchased on a trip to Spain. He's been wearing his work belt to meetings this winter because with the cold weather he always wears a long vest which covers his waist. But today he decided to wear his leather belt, only he forgot to put it on. It was a very cold day and no one at the meeting noticed his mistake because he kept his vest zipped for the entire meeting. McDonnell also says that when he was half way to town he noticed he was still wearing the clunky insulated boots he wears when going to stoke the fire in the guesthouse, the Shêdeau, which he always does just before going to town. He continued to his meeting calculating that eight miles was too far to drive home, change and get back to the meeting in time.

Squib Cellar

With Trump flooding the zone, the Democrats are having to do triage: 

Silly ideas- Make Gaza Great Again.

Good ideas- Make Canada a state.

Dangerous ideas- Everything else.

I don't mind Trump getting on Mount Rushmore if there's something in the Constitution about having to be dead before any blasting can start.

There's no room on Mt. Rushmore for a fifth face.

The cliff there just is not ready

If one must go to make room for Trump, 

I suppose we can afford to lose Teddy.

I wear many layers 

Bottom and top

I get through the winter

Warmth I don't lack

I hate though to find 

When seeking relief

I’ve put on my longjohns

Frontwards to back 

We were once united under the Big Three: NBC, CBS, ABC. 

Now it’s Netflix, Spotify, Amazon. 

I pray for more procrastination in the world- for the killer, the thief…the person thinking of suicide. 

I went to excellent schools, but I was like the person who visits a great museum and only sees the cafe and the gift shop. 

I left Plato’s Cave once, but only to get more firewood. 

If I could avoid a KO the first round, shadow boxing would be a fine way to obtain self-knowledge.

Yes yes I admit I know nothing of God

God is love is what has been written 

Gird your loins, click your belt,  close your eyes, shut your yap

Sit back and prepare to be smitten