The Palmville Globe

 Volume 1, Issue 2

Man Visits Winter Comfort Station                                                                                 Joe McDonnell, a 77 year old resident of Palmville TWP, Minnesota, recently visited an outhouse in the extensive forests east of his home. "What separates us from our hunter-gatherer forebears is the private bathroom," McDonnell, 77, tells reporters. McDonnell, who has a personal interest in anthropology, says, "About 12,000 years ago our ancestors decided to settle down and immediately realized a bathroom would be necessary. The early outdoor bathroom has since been supplanted by the indoor flush toilet, though some hardy souls continue to use the outhouse." There has been a spell of subzero weather lately so McDonnell recently visited some Forest residents  to see how using an outhouse was even possible when the temperature drops to twenty below zero Fahrenheit. The outhouse he inspected has the traditional moon cutout over the door. It's a two-holer meaning two people could use the building at the same time for the same purpose, though one hole is currently covered with reading material. The seating area is a thick blue foam which conducts almost zero body heat and has been beveled anatomically correctly. There's an extensive mini-library featuring among other works the novels of Terry Pratchett. There's an overhead fan, electric lights, even a vacuum cleaner, but no heater. The owner and primary user says that a heater would be a waste of electricity.  McDonnell concludes, "If I could light a kerosene lantern and set it next to me, I could probably get used to it if I had to. At least it's out of the wind."

Man Makes Mess While Cleaning

Joe McDonnell, 77 and a retiree, recently cleaned the chimney pipe in the guesthouse, the Shêdeau. Smoke was puffing out of the stove when McDonnell opened the stove door to stoke the fire. "It's funny how nice smoke smells coming out the chimney and how much it stinks coming into the room," McDonnell told the press. "When I clean the chimney I usually have an assistant who holds a trash bag under the pipe as I push the brush up the pipe, catching 90% of the creosote before it lands on the floor. My assistant has been called away to help her sister for a couple of weeks so I would have to work alone. I could have taped the open end of the bag onto the pipe as I've done in the past when forced to work alone but decided to try an experiment by putting a large trash barrel under the pipe. The barrel caught approximately 40% of the creosote which is composed of tars and pyrolysis (unburned particles of combustion). The experiment was a failure, but even a failure adds to my knowledge of chimney cleaning." The housekeeping department reported finding a flake of creosote in the bay window 11' from the stove while dusting in the Shêdeau on Sunday.

Squibs Cellar

DO NOT MULTITASK!!

Even as I say that, I've forgotten the task I was about to do.

And it was an important one too.

They say it’s tough living with a genius, the one exception being a genius at making their spouse look good. 

We once thought we were the center of the universe. How pathetic. We know now there are billions of earths out there where perhaps it's the jawless fish who has evolved consciousness, or brother rat, or cousin cockroach. 

With age, FOMO becomes JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out)

Auto-correct is like a hard working employee who because of his impetuousness often makes us look bad. 

The advantage of wiping one’s runny nose on one’s sleeve rather than keeping Kleenex in one’s pocket— no thousands of tiny bits of tissue paper in the dryer.