Wannaskan Almanac for Tuesday, October 13, 2020 Part 2 of the Destruction of the Classics

 Part 2 of my destruction of the classics:

"'Where's Papa going with that axe?' said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast."  I knew that he was going to kill a pig to make up some pork chops, but I couldn't mask the disappointment that he never did his killing with the axe I got him for his birthday.  Sometimes I wondered why I bothered at all.

“This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it.” said Joe Biden, as he tossed the constitution into his stack of Ukrainian business magazines.

“All children, except one, grow up.”  "That is fake news!" shouted the Donald, grabbing his Disney princess mirror and storming out of the press conference.

(I am an equal opportunity political pundit)

"If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book."  Mother snapped the book shut and slammed the door.  The (Stephen) King children lay awake, eyes wide open, afraid to even blink.

It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.  "I hate how Y2K ruined daylight savings time," muttered Winston...not too loudly because it felt as if he was being watched.

I am an invisible man.  Eating invisible spinach is my plan.  I yam I yam an invisible man!

Invisible man in snowstorm, painted by Monet

This is the saddest story I have ever heard.  And I am deaf in my left ear, which doesn't hear a lot, and can't hear in my right ear either.  

Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces, I could see them hitting.  "Nothing beats MMA training at the florists," I thought, a dreamy look in my eyes.

124 was spiteful.  125, however, was a delightful mix of lemon and lime soda.  That glass wasn't half empty...it was sprite full.

Skip the 124 and go right for the Sprite

In a sense, I am Jacob Horner.  But in another band called "nonsense", I am Jacob Drummer.  

Dr. Weiss, at forty, knew that her life had been ruined by literature.  Still, the 40% off sale at Donnie's Discount Bookstore was too much to resist.  He had long since given up on reading books.  His mission in life was to buy them and display them.  It made him look so smart.

I don't know how much longer I can continue.  Hopefully next week will be a return to normal, which would be most welcome!