Today I thought I would give my take on some famous literature. If you know the actual book that the doctored quotes come from then by all means, comment below.
5:13 AM. 11:59 PM. These are the times that try men's souls. Everyone has their 5:13 and 11:59 stories. Some of them are even worth repeating.
“With everyone, I think, memories of early childhood consist of a series of visual impressions, many very clear but lacking any sense of chronology.” Which is why we should work on the technology to have the much loved technology of a digital photograph's date stamp added to our children's brains.
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| Recent Lincoln Photo |
“All stories are love stories.” There are no like stories. Or even mildly affectionate stories. Only love stories. So deal with it.
“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth." David Copperfield kind of lost his mystique after that whole masked magician ordeal. We sold our magic kits and devolved into classic literature and other wastes of time.
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” That is why single men go to Chinese restaurants in such great numbers. Fortune cookie say...you sleep alone tonight. Single man will return next day for another cookie.
“Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person.” Luckily she had Allstate with accident forgiveness.
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| Turnin' into the wrong person...the start of a bad country song |
“In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.” Turnovers. Mmmmm....apple turnovers...drool.
“Call me Ishmael.” She placed a scribbled up note with her number in her hand and then subtly blew him a kiss.
"I think I am in for a whale of a time," thought Ishmael.
"But, you may say, we asked you to speak about women and fiction."
"Goodness," I thought, "what man could speak about women and facts. They are ununderstandable is my understanding."
"Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug."
"But at least April fool's day will still be acknowledged," I whispered, thinking about my phony dog poop from Aunt Bella's prank shop.
Have a merry Christmas...I mean October 6th. Don't forget to leave your negative comments on yesterday's or tomorrow's post!
I thought you were an abstainer, being a strict Canadian and all. This had the markings of a non-abstaining personage of Ontario ancestry who, upon his return from the Rainy River 'hotel' had a lot to say about nothin' in particular but wanted you to know he knew it but didn't know why.
ReplyDelete"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
ReplyDeleteThe world cannot be fixed, neither is it broken.
"C'est la vie."
Ah, the rainy River hotel. Not too many can say they slept there!
ReplyDelete