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The Illustrious Wannaskan Almanac for January 8, 2019

Top ten things for today:
10.  94% of people have already broken their New Year's resolutions according to a make your own statistics kiosk I saw at the mall.
9.  January is often considered to be the first month of the year.
8.  I have often wondered about the whole "Sleep tight...don't let the bed bugs bite" thing.  I mean, if someone didn't say that to me, would I really be like..."You know, I think I want loose sleep while being bit by bed bugs"?  That doesn't sound like me.
7.  I am trying to walk 10,000 steps per day.  This number is supposed to make you lose weight.  Unfortunately Dairy Queen is 5000 steps away.
6.  Do you ever wonder what number would win in a beauty contest?  I kind of like 117.  If you squint your eyes and turn your head sideways you will see why.
5.  I made you squint your eyes and turn your head sideways!
4.  I hate speaking metaphorically.  I will never do it until pigs fly.
3.  Sarcasm is the most pure form of humor.  Unless you don't get it.  Then it is just downright mean.
2.  Do insta-pots really blow up?  There are lots of Facebook posts that say they do and there are even more posts talking about how delicious the food is and how easy it is to cook with these pots.  Such a dilemma!
1.  And...the top item of the day...a poem about why English is so weird:


Why English Is So Hard

 We'll begin with a box,
 and the plural is boxes.
 But the plural of ox should be oxen,
 not oxes.

 Then one fowl is goose,
 but two are called geese.
 Yet the plural of moose
 should never be meese.

 You may find a lone mouse
 or a whole lot of mice.
 But the plural of house is houses,
 not hice.

 If the plural of man
 is always called men,
 Why shouldn't the plural of pan
 be called pen?

 The cow in a plural
 may be cows or kine,
 But the plural of vow is vows,
 not vine.

 And I speak of foot,
 and you show me your feet,
 But I give you a boot ...
 would a pair be called beet ?

 If one is a tooth
 and the whole set are teeth,
 Why shouldn't the plural of booth
 be called beeth ?

 If the singular is this
 and the plural is these,
 Should the plural of kiss
 be nicknamed kese ?

 Then one may be that,
 and three may be those,
 Yet the plural of hat
 would never be hose.

 We speak of a brother,
 and also of brethern,
 But though we say mother,
 we never say methern .

 The masculine pronouns are
 he, his and him,
 But imagine the feminine
 she, shis and shim!

 So our English,
 I think you'll all agree,
 Is the trickiest language
 you ever did see.

 author unknown

Ah, Arthur Unknown...you write the most amazing things!
What do you think is the most unusual thing about the English language?  Comment below.  Have a wonderful day!

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