January 15, 2019

Good day, mates!  Welcome to the Australian...I mean Wannaskan Almanac.
As a teacher, I often hear stories from students that I figure are far from the truth.  I have heard the traditional "My dog ate my homework" to the modern "My homework ate my dog so we had to put it down" and I am never really sure if the stories are true or not.  The following story was told to me over 30 years ago.  I retell it now in hopes that someone can verify or renounce it.  The names are changed in order to protect our publication from copyright infringement issues.
My Aunt Fergie needed to visit a doctor in Winnipeg (a real town, but not necessarily "the" real town).  My much younger Aunt (Regina) volunteered to go with her.  I would like to believe that it was because she wanted to be helpful but it is more likely that Aunt Regina wanted to join Aunt Fergie in order to go shopping. Up in Northwestern Ontario (where I grew up) you would have to be crazy to miss out on an opportunity to go shopping and eat fast food.
So Fergie and Regina headed along MOM's way (I will let you research that) and made it to the appointment and shopping and then headed home.  The trip home led them through the town of Steinbach, and that is where things went wrong.  My Aunt Regina was carefully trying to make her way to the local Alvin and Walters (another research project for you) when she heard and felt a terrible bump...along with the last screams (feline cuss words, I am sure) of a small yellow cat. My Aunt slammed on her brakes and surveyed the damage.  The cat was laying there on the road.  Her first thought was to drive away leaving the cat there for the vultures, but standing there with a shocked look was an older lady.
"My cat!" she cried, shaking her head.  "It always wanted to run out there."
"I am so sorry," said my Aunt Regina.  Then she continued with the obligatory, "Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old lady blinked back a tear.  "Could you dispose of Hector for me?"
There was a little bit of a pause.  The rules of asking to be polite and refusing to be polite had been shattered.  My aunt was stuck though.  She had offered to do anything and now she would have to comply.  Between my two aunts they grudgingly scooped the dead cat into a brown paper bag and rolled the top shut. 
But then...what to do?  They couldn't just take the dead animal home.  Border patrol officers are known for their sense of humor, but would they be so jovial when faced with the transportation of a cat carcass?  My aunts didn't seem to think they would find that funny.  They drove around for a bit, trying to think of a solution, but none was forthcoming.
They finally decided to just go to Alvin and Walters and have a meal, and some delicious root beer, which is what they are known for.  They didn't want to bring the cat into the restaurant, and they didn't want to leave it in the car, so they ended up just sitting the bag on the pavement next to the car.  They went in, got their food, and sat down.
About ten minutes later they noticed a lady walking beside their car.  The lady looked around nervously, as if to see if anyone was looking at her.  Then she snatched up the bag and walked into the restaurant.  She sat down right across from my two aunts, who were suddenly very interested in their food.  They kept a watch on the lady who had picked up the bag.  After a minute or so the lady nonchalantly unrolled the bag and looked in.   The subsequent scream scared everyone in the restaurant.  The lady then fainted and fell into her booth.
The restaurant staff called for an ambulance, and one showed up shortly.  My two aunts watched as they picked up the poor woman and started to wheel her out.  Just then, one of the restaurant workers yelled out, "Wait, here is her bag."
They put the bag in the lady's hands and wheeled her away...and my Aunts had a story that I have heard several times!
So the question...is it true?  Sounds kind of far fetched but the best things are often too good to be true.  Like that fake check from Publishers Clearing House. 
Do you have a story like that?  If so, feel free to share below!