Sunday News

 

Man Breaks Record

Joe McDonnell, 78 and residing in Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently caught four trains in one day on a European rail network. “My previous record had been one train in one day,” McDonnell tells the press, “so this was truly above and beyond. The train trip should have been more straightforward, but due to work on the rails, the agent had to create a convoluted route for us. The first connection went fine but we had to carry our heavy bags down a flight of stairs. Fortunately there was an elevator back up to our assigned platform. We got on the third train with just a minute to spare. I was so happy I bought a treat from the snack trolley that was passing through the cars. We had enough time between trains three and four to have a sandwich at the station cafe. There was some confusion about train four and even locals were asking us for advice.” In a follow up email McDonnell says they reached their destination in a timely manner. McDonnell signed the email “King of the Road”.

Man and Wife Separate 

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a seasoned traveler,  was recently separated from his wife while on a bus tour overseas. “Our group had stopped to tour a mansion and a castle,” McDonnell tells reporters. “We had already seen a castle so after seeing the mansion, we were ready for an ice cream and planned to wait on the bus till it left. We had an hour to wait so we decided to visit the castle and get some exercise. The castle was on top of a steep hill and was further away than it looked. Back at the bus I checked the time with the driver.  I didn’t see my wife enter the nearby restroom. I thought she had gone to the mansion cafe for ice cream. I wandered around the mansion looking for her until I saw her gesticulating at me through a large, thick-paned window. I bought our ice creams and we quickly returned to the bus.” McDonnell added later that the mansion is the most haunted place in the country. “The ghosts of two murdered people are seen regularly in the mansion plus the ghosts of a man and boy whose identities are unknown,” he says. 

Squib Cellar

As soon as you sink into a hot tub it starts cooling off. But you can keep cranking up the heat in the shower till all your sins of the day are washed away. 

I don’t fear public speaking. If I appear to be stuttering it’s because I’m cutting and pasting as I go. 

Kids and and old folks their age like to tell

Middle agers hide their age under a shell 

Death’s training ground is sleep in a bed

Dreams hint at what may lie ahead

Non-celebs find love in their family, friends and pets. 

The evil ones find it in their pets. 

When someone on a Zoom meeting says something I don’t agree with, I have to remember to mute my eye rolls.