Sunday News

 

Man Solves Tire Riddle 

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently replaced two tires on the right side of his truck. “I jacked up the rear tire and replaced it with the spare,” he tells the press. “Then I jacked up the front tire, removed it and then brought the two tires to the shop for replacement. I wanted both new tires on the front and it took some mental gymnastics to get this done expeditiously. First I put a block of wood under the front end of the truck so I could remove the jack. Next I jacked up and removed the left front tire and replaced it with one of the new tires.  I swapped out the old front tire for the spare mentioned previously as being in the right rear spot and put the spare away. Finally I jacked up the right front side, removed the block of wood and installed the new tire.” McDonnell says as a youth he used to work on riddles like the one about a man trying to cross the river with a fox, a chicken and a bag of grain in a boat too small for all of them to cross at the same time. “That was good training for my tire conundrum,” he says.

Man Discovers an Oasis

Joe McDonnell, 78 and possessing a sensitive startle reflex, recently discovered how to mute the ads at the gas pump. "I like pumping my own gas," McDonnell tells reporters, "but a few years ago gas stations started putting screens in the pumps with noisy ads. I found this annoying and searched online for a way to mute the sound. The internet said one of the eight black buttons surrounding the screen would mute the sound. After pushing seven of the buttons, I got the sound to quit. I considered this a minor victory for my sanity." In a follow-up email McDonnell reports that the last time he got gas there was a sticker that said ‘mute’ below the button that muted the sound. "It's the little things that make a person's day," he says.

Squib Cellar 

Gravity is still just a theory. 

Opening my fridge door proves it’s a true one. 

When I get home from a long vacation, my old routine lies broken to pieces. With memory’s golden glue, I put it back together, but differently. 

Gossip is  acceptable if after the session you pray for its victim. 

If cash is king, then free is friend. 

A historian can say ‘48 and other historians will know what century they’re talking about. A geologist can say ‘538 and colleagues will know which millennium is being referred to.

 

As soon as you sink into a tub of hot water, it starts cooling off. But you can keep cranking up the heat in the shower till all your sins of the day are washed away.