Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 33

Man Saves Vest

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently saved a Category 2 vest from slipping into Category 3. "I have three categories of clothing," McDonnell tells the press. "Category 1 contains my clothes for weddings, funerals, and presentations. Category 2 is my general work clothes for carpentry, cooking and yard work. Category 2 clothes are identical to Category 1 clothes, except they're frayed and have faint spots of motor oil. Category 3 is my painting clothes. The other day I inadvertently wore a Category 2 vest while painting and brushed against my work." McDonnell reports that he scrubbed the vest under running water until all the paint was removed except for a small white dot. "I already have two Category 3 vests." He adds. "I don't need another."

Man Misjudges Local Weather Forecast 

Joe McDonnell, 78 and superstitious by nature, recently watched as heavy rain fell upon guests to whom he had promised good weather. "I know I have no control over the weather," McDonnell tells reporters, "but it has always worked for me to tell people that we're planning on good weather for their visit. The day started sunny enough, but by the time the guests arrived it was cloudy. As we sat in the screen porch for happy hour a light rain began. Still nice. Still enjoyable. But when supper was over a heavy rain was falling. One guest asked what happened to my good weather. I apologized and she said it was ok. Her companion said he loves the rain as he opened the umbrella we loaned them for their walk back to the guest quarters." McDonnell relates how his mother always hung out her rosary beads  before a big gathering to insure good weather. "I'll definitely do that next time," he adds.

Squib Cellar

The average NFL player makes one million dollars per year. If Karl Marx had prevailed, team rosters would be much larger and each player would only play one game per season to spread the wealth around. 

On a week’s cruise we meet people who could become good friends before they sink back into the Golfo di Tiempo when the cruise is over.

Republican tough love carried too far becomes cruel flies feeding on a corpse. 

The Democratic bleeding heart is that corpse, in extremis. 

Are Canadians embarrassed when their smoke drifts into the US?

Or do they say, a pox upon your house. 

We can’t make God do what we want but there’s no harm in trying to catch the Almighty off guard. 

There’s a fad now among young people to not want their parents stuff. The smart money is buying up dining sets and china cheap until the fad passes.