The Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 11

Man Hits Wall

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a resident of Palmville Twp, recently put down his tools and walked 347 steps back to the Big House and took a nap. "I've never run out of gas like that before," He tells the press. "In the past, whether I was climbing a mountain or carrying groceries to the car, I've just slowed down a bit until I have what it takes to finish the job. This time though, a crew of workers had showed up to help me with a big project. They work for food so I like to keep up with them. When I hit the wall, one of the women workers said, 'Go home and take a nap,' so I did." When McDonnell  went back to the worksite, he found the crew on their way to their free supper and their gratuitous lodgings. "I realized I did them a favor by quitting early. They wouldn't feel right quitting before a 78 year old retiree," he tells reporters.

Man Thwarts Scam

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a fit retiree, recently reported and deleted a scam message that claimed to be from Easy Pass. "It looked official and I do have an Easy Pass account so I paid attention," he tells reporters. "The message said I had 24 hours to pay my outstanding bill or there would be penalties. I haven't used Easy Pass for several months so that was suspicious. I googled Easy Pass scam and I was warned off. When I deleted the message I was given the option to report it as well, so I did. Couldn't hurt. I get this same message every week. The last one said Ms Priscilla Hightower was the agent working on my account. Report and delete. Maybe next time I'll get a photo."

Squib Cellar

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Happily, life’s first name is Sugar. 

God loves even his faux Christians. 

I would buy a coffee pot with a light on the spout for filling cups in the dark. 

Mammon is our god. 

He can be worshipped lovingly...or hatefully, as he’s being worshipped now. 

The generations before us said the same nasty things about us that we’re saying now about the three generations that have come after. The little bastards would despise us for our obtuseness if they even gave a rip. 

When company is coming, all the detritus of our daily lives is swept out of sight. When the guests leave, the items drift back as needed, though some are MIA for days and weeks.