I have often wondered how many people set their alarm (either clock or urinary urge) to go off at 1 AM so they can be the first to read the Wannaskan Almanac every Tuesday. Of course, I can just look at the views total so I do have that data available. I would post it here but I don't want to disillusion anyone.
1687 Pope Innocent XI publishes decree Coelestis pastor. When asked if he used AI to write it, he responded, "Guilty!"
1836 Louis Napoleon banished to America, where he immediately starts a red, white, and brown ice cream. It was later discovered that he was color blind, which is good because blueberry ice cream would not have been as successful as the chocolate inclusion. Napoleonitan ice cream is eventuall rebranded to Neopolitan.
1965 Manneke Pis statue stolen in Brussels. Apparently approximately 3.14 people were around the circumference, including an NFL referee, but nobody saw anything.
Today we return to Fractured History. As I approach the end of my run as an Almanac writer, I feel the need to return to my sarcastic roots. Those roots have enabled me to avoid building a huge following, which in turn has helped me live a modest and ordinary, private life. I would hate to have people banging on the door or interrupting me at restaurants asking for autographs or a snip of hair.
Enjoy!
1584 William Louis of Nassau appointed Stadtholder of Friesland Bears. Before football, Stadts were used for kicking field goals in an attempt to secure extra points for royalty as they endeavored to win over the general population.
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| Similar to a football, but filled with melted chocolate |
1687 Pope Innocent XI publishes decree Coelestis pastor. When asked if he used AI to write it, he responded, "Guilty!"
1697 English parliament accepts army reduction, but encourages breasty enlargements.
1801 Kentucky outlaws duelling, creating a system where only single orders of fried chicken will be available at drive-thrus. You could, however, still dual order biscuits.
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| Common congestion due to dual orders circa 1799 |
1836 Louis Napoleon banished to America, where he immediately starts a red, white, and brown ice cream. It was later discovered that he was color blind, which is good because blueberry ice cream would not have been as successful as the chocolate inclusion. Napoleonitan ice cream is eventuall rebranded to Neopolitan.
1871 Henry Morton Stanley encounters David Livingstone at Ujiji near Lake Tanganyika in Central Africa with the immortal words, "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" He then offers to sell him an extended warranty for his Fiat.
1891 1st Women's Christian Temperance Union meeting held (in Boston). As Norma walked into the cheerful meeting house, the other women yelled out, "Norm...a".
1919 1st observance of National Book Week. Up until then books were known to be seen but not read.
1924 Dion O'Banion, leader of the North Side Gang is assassinated in his flower shop by members of Johnny Torrio's gang, sparking the bloody gang war of the 1920s in Chicago...or as these things are now known...the weekend.
1940 Pittsburgh Steelers and Philadelphia Eagles play one of only 4 penalty free games in NFL history; Steelers win 7-3 at Forbes Field, Pittsburgh. Both sides claim that using blind refs really helped move the game along quickly.
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| Nothing has changed |
1965 Manneke Pis statue stolen in Brussels. Apparently approximately 3.14 people were around the circumference, including an NFL referee, but nobody saw anything.
Peace amigos!
ReplyDeleteI know many bloggers who would kill for your Stadts.