Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 16

Man Cracks Plastics Code

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a resident of Palmville Twp, Minnesota, was recently stymied by his new hearing aid battery packaging. "My hearing aid batteries used to come six to a pack in a little plastic wheel attached to cardboard with a little door in the cardboard," Mc Donnell tells reporters. "You spun the wheel to line up a battery with the door. The battery packaging was recently made child-proof which is great because I'm all in favor of child safety. Everything looks the same but each little battery is now encased in its own thick plastic bubble. The first pack resisted my efforts to open it. I was afraid of cutting the little battery itself and possibly causing an explosion. The second pack gave up its batteries after much hacking with heavy-duty kitchen shears. Third time was the charm. I developed a technique that went fairly well though many snippets of plastic ended up on the carpet. Once I get the batteries out, I transfer them to one of the old packs with the little door in back. I know this goes against the spirit of the new packaging, but I don't always have heavy-duty scissors available when I'm out and about and a battery goes dead."

Man Rescues Horse

Joe McDonnell, 78 and a wooden toy collector, recently opened his home to a retired Dala horse. "I was in my sister-in-law's Scandinavian shop last week and I saw the Dala horse inside the shop," McDonnell tells the press. "The horse had hung outside her shop on the corner of Center Street and Main since the shop opened many years ago. My sister-in-law said she was replacing the weather-beaten horse with a new one. The Dala is a stylized horse typically painted a bright and shiny red. To a person attuned to things Scandinavian and especially to things Swedish, a Dala horse hanging over a shop door signals that Scandinavian items will be found for sale inside. There is often free coffee and cookies available. The fate of the old horse was unknown, so I offered to give it a new lease on life by hanging it somewhere on my stuga. A stuga  is a Swedish cabin or cottage. My stuga is a cabin, 12' x 8', which my daughter-in-law named "The Cabinet".

Squib Cellar

Gaza is like George Floyd down to his last couple of breaths.

Not to throw out the baby with the bath water is goòd advice.

Also- Save the bath water for the garden.

I try to forget about death as I would about a surprise party I know is being planned for me. 

In the first half of the twentieth century people were always losing their children in big multi-story department stores. 

In the second half of the century kids often went missing in malls. 

It’s hard to lose a kid in a strip mall which may account for their popularity. 

Partying is hard work. 

God created the hangover to force the animals to take a break.

When dumped by a lover, drag yourself from the trash can over to the recycling bin. 

When we were young

We were handsome and fun

Fun and good looks are still there 

‘Neath the volcano’s veneer 

As the fun starts to flow

The volcano will blow

And the natives shall run

When we’re having our fun