Historical Minutes:
The Township Rifle Association meeting
Palmville Town Hall
June 1,1993
Iclic Vermer, Sec.
During our last meeting of the T.R.A., the weekend of Goose Fest in Middle River, Minnesota, Layton brought in and distributed several copies of the Sportsman’s News that he had picked up at the C-Store in Roseau and wanted to bring to our immediate and rapt attention. The article was titled,
“Is Fishing An Endangered Sport?”
Layton read excerpts from the article in his best English, but ommitted the ‘th’ sounds. This gave the members a chuckle. However, the message was grave.
“A story published in da Feb-uary nineteen ninety-tree issue of B.A.S.S. Times outlined da followin’ statements made by a animal rights group fact sheet titled: Fishin’: Aquatic Agony.”
“Like huntin’or bull fightin’, sport fishin’ entertains at da expense of innocent animals. Da fishin’ industry regards da animals it catches as ‘resources’ rat’er den sensitive individuals vit’ needs of der own.”
Soberly holding their white styrofoam snus cups with “Palmville Township 85th Birthday Bash 1988” printed on them, one by one, the T.R.A. members realized they were all sportspeople and the inference weighed heavily upon them. Someone was heard sniffling in the darkened corner near the woodbox, when a voice boomed from beyond the speaker’s platform beneath the single, dangling 12-volt light.
Sayeth the Voice: “SUCH IS THE CASE OF CHARLES THE TUNA ... a sensitive individual who pleaded to be caught by a major tuna canning company, but instead was callously patronized and told repeatedly that they were, in fact, looking for tuna that that tasted good--and not for tuna with good taste--Remember Charles?”
“DID THE TUNA CANNING INDUSTRY GIVE HIM A CHANCE? NO!
"The tuna fish canning industry denied him his needs without any regard to his sensitivity and self-esteem. They told him he wasn’t good enough to be caught and canned!
“WILL CRUELTY N'ER END?
“Who knows better the needs of these sensitive individuals, than we, the sportsperson/angler?
“Do these sensitive individuals have advocates out there? Do they have their own Jack Kevorkian, who will administer their right to end their days in dignity?
“I WILL!
My name is LEVIATHAN KILLERWHALESKI, the Animal-Right-to-Die advocate for Northern Minnesota and Southern Ontario Waters.
“I want to publically extend this offer to Charles The Tuna, and all other sensitive individuals out there in your streams, rivers, and lakes.
“You swim to Sveden and jump on my hook, and by laws initiated by anti-fishin’ groups in Europe, I MUST KILL YOU by hittin’ you over the head with a hammer.
“You will get your just award. You will be caught, killed and canned like you’ve always wanted to be--and have an animal rights group to thank for it!”
A thunderous cheer went up through the crowd that swelled to proportions like that of soaked lutefisk in a copper boiler, until Bricklander’s voice whined from the middle of the second row,
“Da only time my end angered vas on a fishing trip after tew bowls of Knorr Solom’s chili. I vas sick for t’ree days, dint catch a t’ing, but gawd vas dat gud chili!”
Say what?
The Township Rifle Association meeting
Palmville Town Hall
June 1,1993
Iclic Vermer, Sec.
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| Palmville Town Hall: Parking Available |
During our last meeting of the T.R.A., the weekend of Goose Fest in Middle River, Minnesota, Layton brought in and distributed several copies of the Sportsman’s News that he had picked up at the C-Store in Roseau and wanted to bring to our immediate and rapt attention. The article was titled,
“Is Fishing An Endangered Sport?”
Layton read excerpts from the article in his best English, but ommitted the ‘th’ sounds. This gave the members a chuckle. However, the message was grave.
“A story published in da Feb-uary nineteen ninety-tree issue of B.A.S.S. Times outlined da followin’ statements made by a animal rights group fact sheet titled: Fishin’: Aquatic Agony.”
“Like huntin’or bull fightin’, sport fishin’ entertains at da expense of innocent animals. Da fishin’ industry regards da animals it catches as ‘resources’ rat’er den sensitive individuals vit’ needs of der own.”
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| T.R.A. member Hulda and eight of her resources |
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| Resources for T.R.A. meeting supper |
Soberly holding their white styrofoam snus cups with “Palmville Township 85th Birthday Bash 1988” printed on them, one by one, the T.R.A. members realized they were all sportspeople and the inference weighed heavily upon them. Someone was heard sniffling in the darkened corner near the woodbox, when a voice boomed from beyond the speaker’s platform beneath the single, dangling 12-volt light.
Sayeth the Voice: “SUCH IS THE CASE OF CHARLES THE TUNA ... a sensitive individual who pleaded to be caught by a major tuna canning company, but instead was callously patronized and told repeatedly that they were, in fact, looking for tuna that that tasted good--and not for tuna with good taste--Remember Charles?”
“DID THE TUNA CANNING INDUSTRY GIVE HIM A CHANCE? NO!
"The tuna fish canning industry denied him his needs without any regard to his sensitivity and self-esteem. They told him he wasn’t good enough to be caught and canned!
“WILL CRUELTY N'ER END?
“Who knows better the needs of these sensitive individuals, than we, the sportsperson/angler?
“Do these sensitive individuals have advocates out there? Do they have their own Jack Kevorkian, who will administer their right to end their days in dignity?
“I WILL!
My name is LEVIATHAN KILLERWHALESKI, the Animal-Right-to-Die advocate for Northern Minnesota and Southern Ontario Waters.
“I want to publically extend this offer to Charles The Tuna, and all other sensitive individuals out there in your streams, rivers, and lakes.
“You swim to Sveden and jump on my hook, and by laws initiated by anti-fishin’ groups in Europe, I MUST KILL YOU by hittin’ you over the head with a hammer.
“You will get your just award. You will be caught, killed and canned like you’ve always wanted to be--and have an animal rights group to thank for it!”
A thunderous cheer went up through the crowd that swelled to proportions like that of soaked lutefisk in a copper boiler, until Bricklander’s voice whined from the middle of the second row,
“Da only time my end angered vas on a fishing trip after tew bowls of Knorr Solom’s chili. I vas sick for t’ree days, dint catch a t’ing, but gawd vas dat gud chili!”
Say what?
Another Iclic classic!
ReplyDeleteA true fish story! And a rousing one at that. What this post lacks in your usual length, it makes up for with a foray into a topic n'er seen in the WA. That being animal rights, 'er more precisely, the rights of our aquatic kin. Charlie's wish to be caught and canned is no less important than any other martyr's contribution to a cause. The background to Charlie's story, the TRA meeting, brings authenticity to the tail - oops, tale.
ReplyDeleteThanks for another zinger! JP Savage