Friday, May 25

    Welcome to the Wannaskan Almanac for Friday.

    It is with heavy heart that I relate the story of Ambrose Burnside, born today in 1824 in Liberty, Indiana. Burnside is a fascinating mix of good and bad fortune. He was a successful business man, inventor, politician, and for a while, commander of the Army of the Potomac during the Civil War. But his bright star often plunged to hell itself.
    His family had settled in the South, but just before Burnside's birth, his father moved to Indiana. Had Burnside fought for the South, the war might have ended sooner. When Burnside's mother died, his father took him out of school and apprenticed him to a tailor. Ever the good businessman, Burnside was soon in partnership with the tailor. But he had an interest in military matters and got an appointment to West Point.
    He graduated during the Mexican war, but arrived in Mexico too late to get in on the fighting, which was too bad, because he could have learned some valuable lesson while still young. He was assigned next to New Mexico, where he took an Apache arrow in the neck. When he attempted marriage, his bride left him at the altar. During the Civil War this woman was a spy for the South. When she fell into his hands (he was a general by then), he kept her under house arrest for several months without charging her. He got a bit of revenge, but eventually showed mercy. Had she been charged, she would have been hanged.
    While stationed in Rhode Island, he married Mary Bishop in 1852. They remained together till her death in 1876. The next year Burnside resigned from the army to develop his invention, the Burnside carbine. Burnside's design was a great advance over the current powder and ball rifles the army used. Burnside got a government contract and borrowed money to build a factory, but another manufacturer bribed the Secretary of War to cancel the contract. When his factory burned, Burnside had to sell his patents to avoid financial ruin. Years later when Burnside took over a regiment at the start of the Civil War, his troops were equipped with Burnside carbines.
    His reputation as an inventor however helped his rise through the ranks, and he was put in command of an army to subdue the North Carolina coast. Burnside won several battles, the first Union successes of the war. Lincoln twice appointed Burnside commander of the much larger Army of the Potomac, but he declined, having an accurate assessment of his own qualifications.
    Burnside's blackest day came at the Battle of Antietam. A victory here would probably have ended the war in 1862. That it ended in a draw was the fault of George McClellan, the general in charge. Burnside's job as a corps commander was to encircle the enemy at the left end of the line. His troops had to cross a small, easily fordable stream, but for some reason everyone thought they had to cross a narrow bridge. All afternoon Confederal sharpshooters picked off Union soldiers from a bluff on the far side. By the time the bridge was taken, Lee had received reinforcements and the war dragged on another three years.
   Lincoln fired McClellan after this battle and insisted Burnside take command. Burnside decided to head for the Confederate capital in Richmond. First he had to cross the Rappahannock River and take Fredericksburg, the scene of Burnside's second blackest day. A series of blunders and bad luck led to thousands of Union troops being slaughtered while assaulting a stone wall at the top of a hill. Burnside resigned his command and was given an army in the Midwest. He didn't lose any battles there but did stir up trouble by arresting politicians and closing newspapers he thought were treasonous. Lincoln appreciated Burnside's loyalty, but had to repudiate his actions for political reasons.
   Towards the end of the war, Burnsides was brought back east in time to get in on one more fiasco, the Battle of the Crater. Burnside was initially blamed for the deaths of many Union troops, but was later exonerated.
   Burnsides had a fine post-bellum career, serving as governor of and senator from Rhode Island. He served as director of numerous railroads, industries, and veteran's organizations. He was the first president of the NRA, long before that organization got into the business of facilitating school shootings. He died in 1881 of angina at the age of 57 and is buried in Providence, RI.
   I apologize to my readers for going on at such length, but this period fascinates me. I believe all American history leads up to the Civil War, and until we solve the "race problem," our history will remain hung up on it. For anyone interested, I suggest Bruce Catton's Civil War. A hardbound edition is available on Amazon for $3.49. Highly recommended.

Ambrose Burnside, sideburns inspirer extraordinaire

    Today's poem is by myself, Chairman Joe:

The Female Gaze

(As Perceived by the 71 Year Old Male)

The child looks to me for treats, candy and toys.

The teenager's glance rests not at all.

The twenty-something makes sure I'm not a rapist.

At thirty she wonders if I'll buy from her stall.

At forty she sees from my glance she's still got it.

At fifty, she just hopes I'll bring wine.

Sixty to seventy year olds assess for mateability.

And 80 and up want a son.  Which, yeah, well, it's fine.

   

    Please come back Sunday for more squibs from @jmcdonnell123