Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 50

Man Neglects Key Element

Joe McDonnell, 78 and residing in Palmville TWP, Minnesota, recently had trouble with his fresh pasta recipe. "I've always wanted to make my own pasta," McDonnell tells the press. "The videos say it's easy even though it may look difficult. My wife bought me a pasta machine and a friend helped me the first time. Some videos said I didn't need to hang the fresh noodles on a rack to dry but could sprinkle semolina flour on the noodles then coil them into nests before cooking. I bought a bag of semolina, then I didn't make pasta for several months till an overnight guest offered to make a fancy sauce for pasta. I offered to make fresh pasta, but forgot the step about sprinkling on the semolina flour to prevent the noodles from sticking together. When the noodles stuck together I recruited our guests to untangle them as I sprinkled on semolina." McDonnell reports it was a close thing for a few minutes, but the noodles, once properly sprinkled with semolina and cooked al dente, turned out to be a fine complement to the sauce. "Everyone said I should make a video," he added.

 

Man Has Flap Repaired

Joe McDonnell. 78 and good with adhesives, recently took his car to the body shop to have a flapping piece of rubber reglued to the outside edge of the left rear wheel well of his vehicle. "I just discovered that this long piece of rubber which had been coming loose is called a 'flare'," he tells reporters. "I thought it was purely decorative so I wasn't worried if it fell off completely. But I also learned that flares protect the vehicle's paint job from rocks thrown up by the tires. The flare is bolted on at one end so when it fell out every couple of days, it just flaps around till I pull over and push it back in place. The body shop man said I'd have to leave the vehicle in his shop overnight so everything could dry and he'd clean and glue the flare back in place the next morning. The job would cost around a hundred dollars. I could glue it myself in the spring, but getting out and pushing the flare back in place is not fun, especially since it's on the left side with traffic whizzing by. I have a friend with a heated garage who lives 350 miles away. Gas each way to his place: $35. Take him out for dinner: $60." In a follow-up email, McDonnell says he flipped a coin and went to the local body shop in the end. "I like to support local businesses," he said.

Squib Cellar

Some people you handle with kid gloves; others with oven mitts. 

An algorithm is a series of forks in the road. 

Two people might think themselves on the same road, but, back near the beginning, one said yes and the other no, and now they’re miles apart. 

There are companies that specialize in making McMansions feel more cozy, which is like making a Big Mac more nutritious by adding extra lettuce. 

Paleonoia: (n.) current anxiety about  bad things that could have happened to you in the past but didn’t. 

One kind of dystopia is the political party I donate to contacting me daily for more money because the other party is destroying the world as we know it. 

No need for cars or shoes in Heaven. 

You’re already there. 

No need for books. They’re all in your memory. 

All that’s needed is the currency of Heaven. 

Bring love.