Sunday News

 

The Palmville Globe Volume 1 Number 40

Man Attends Samhain Retreat

Joe McDonnell, 78 and residing in Palmville Twp, Minnesota, recently attended a session at a new business in town. "Samhain is the ancient Celtic festival celebrated on the border between fall and winter," McDonnell tells the press. "My ancestors may or may not have been Celts so I convinced a friend to join me at this retreat to satisfy my curiosity. It was sedate as festivals go. There was guided relaxation and imagery. The druids were mentioned as ancestors to be admired. This gave me pause. The druids engaged in human sacrifice. That's what their enemies, the Romans, said they did. The Celts themselves wrote nothing down, so we have to rely on what hostile historians have recorded." McDonnell said he's aware that the dominant religion in town has a well documented record of burning dissenters. "I just don't get that stuff no matter who's doing it," he says.

Man Builds Escape Hatch

Joe McDonnell, 78 and an amateur escape artist, recently made an addition to his car's trunk opening system. "My car battery went dead," McDonnell tells reporters, "but I couldn't fix it because my tools were locked in the trunk. There are three different ways to open the trunk but they all presuppose a functioning battery. There's a little door behind the armrest in back but I could not reach the release that children accidentally locked in the trunk use to get out. I tried my long handled gripper stick but it was too short by two inches. I tried a fireplace poker but it was too heavy. Finally, I used an inappropriate tool to remove the battery cable so I could charge the battery." McDonnell, in a follow-up email, reports that when he got the trunk open he tied a rope from the interior trunk release to the little door behind the armrest. "I like to learn from my bumps in the road," he says.

Squib Cellar

Spring and Fall are the seasons of transition. Summer and winter are the seasons I look forward to my next transition.

When I contemplate the immense distances between the stars, I perceive the city lights swarming about me like midges. 

The German liberals in the 1930s consoled themselves by saying Germany would be great again as soon as it got through the rough patch ahead. 

There’s a debate going on to allow erotic AI. Developers worry that if AI finds out about sex it will never get back on track. 

Superstition persists because it appears to work. When it doesn’t, we blame ourselves for lack of faith. 

There’s nothing wrong with being a one trick pony. You’ll just have to travel a lot in search of new audiences.