Tuesday, August 28, 2018

I remember it like it was yesterday, which is kind of unusual because it actually happened today. You ever have that overpowering desire for something? That desire for one certain thing and nothing else will be sufficient? Well, that happened to me today. I had a fever, and the only cure was more cowbell. I mean pie. Pie was on my brain. Not cow pie. Not math pi. Pie. Sweet, delicious chocolate cream pie to be precise.
So, if this was the good old days you would walk into the kitchen and look through your pie stash in the icebox. If there wasn't any of the desired pie there you would wander to the neighbors house and borrow a cup of pie. If they didn't have it you could always go to grandma's place and if that pie wasn't already made and sitting on the table (due to her amazing ESP...extra slices of pie powers) then it would be in process. That is the way it was back in Canada. Pie was plenty. The mistake I made was taking it for granted.
As I said above, I had a hankering for chocolate cream pie. Of course we didn't have any on hand. Our pie supply has been limited to Thanksgiving Day. That one day of gluttony leads to 364 days of pie withdrawals. What a tragedy! That was where I found myself, longing for pie months before Thanksgiving Day. We decided...and by that I mean my wife finally agreed after several minutes (or was it hours) of whining that we would go out and get some pie at a restaurant.
We drove over to the restaurant and I must tell you, I was shaking. My darling wife took her time getting out of the vehicle...a common problem, but I won't dwell on that now...which meant that I had run up to the restaurant door and back several times before she managed to drag herself from the vehicle. It was with great relief that I finally made it into the restaurant (I even held the door open for my wife as I gently dragged her toward the counter). The waiter asked if we wanted menus. I replied no, I just wanted pie. Chocolate cream pie. His face kind of gave me a look that I did not want to see. Then he told me that they didn't have any pie. I figured they were just sold out, but then he continued and told me that they don't even serve pie. It was if we had gone back in time to the dark ages...a horrible era in time when only mincemeat pies (in a square shape...more of a perimeter than a pi) were available. Disappointed we left the restaurant and went to the grocery store. I won't tell you the name of the restaurant that we went to because I do not want you to protest them or burn them to the ground.
At the grocery store they had pie! Cherry pie. Apple pie. Peach pie. Pineapple pie. Pumpkin pie. Sweet potato pie. No chocolate cream pie. For full disclosure, they had frozen chocolate cream pie, but that is a last resort. The wait while it defrosts is too much to bear, and I always end up eating it partially frozen. It doesn't seem right.
My last resort was to get the ingredients to make my own cream pie.

We put them in the cart, paid for them, and then headed home. It was demeaning. Like what is demeaning of having no chocolate cream pie available! I explained to my wife why I was so disgusted. She pretended to be understanding, which at this point was all I could hope for. I mean, by the time you assemble the pie and put it in the fridge to set up you might as well have planted a chocolate cream pie tree and harvested your own pies!

Finally the pie was ready.  Sadly the first piece got a little damaged.  I was too eager to get it out to be careful.

It was then that we had our first and only benefit...the ability to put whipped cream on your pie at your own level. I like to layer my whipped cream. Sometimes I get it four or five stories high.

As my fortune cookie said the other day, "You can never have too much whipped cream." At least that is what I assume it said. It was in Chinese, and I am a little rusty.
So what is the point? I guess all I am trying to say is that I miss having pie. Nowadays it seems like we get everything out of boxes or bags when it used to be sitting on the counter in a nice round tin. You would come in from pulling weeds and your mom would have a nice slice of pie ready for you. Or you would be visiting your neighbor and there would be coffee and...that's right...pie. Pie was a staple that held us all together. Maybe we need more pie. Maybe we need to visit more and go back to the good old days when we all were a lot more civil. But maybe I just want to go back to have one more slice of pie with my Grandmother.
If you like pie, or want to send me some pie, you can email it to me at ffefreekshow@hotmail.com .